Twelve years ago I was in a Ramtha retreat high in the Italian mountains, far away from anywhere. After a focus exercise, I stopped breathing for what felt like minutes. I mean three or four minutes. My body didn’t breathe, I had no need to breathe. I didn’t plan or intend this, my mind was elsewhere until I realised my body was no longer breathing, so I lay there and observed the stillness, until the breath began again.

If you’re invested in security and certainty, you are on the wrong planet.
     — Pema Chödrön

I’ve thought about this experience quite a lot over the past three years. Every now and again this quote from The Matrix “You think that’s air you’re breathing?” just comes to mind, and I wonder about the circumstances I find myself in at that moment, how real it all may be, how real my surroundings may be.

The likely reality (whatever that means), is that none of this world is real, all is a simulation, a computer game, and we’ve bought into it, and continue to on many levels, to enjoy the game. It’s not about “waking up”, it’s about enjoying the game, until we get complete with many levels and the game becomes boring, then we need to expand to further levels. It is possible that when we think we are “awake”, we might only be on level 2 of a 1,000 level game.

Why eat?

I spent a little time last year with a breatharian, a woman who has not eaten nor drank anything in over two years. After eight years studying Qi Gong in the Himalayas, and being trained in an off planet mystery school, she developed her light body to such a degree that food as we know it is no longer required. So she didn’t wake up one morning and decide she would no longer eat, nor did she suddenly decide she wanted to spend eight years living a harsh life in the frozen Himalayas. She had gotten complete with her experiences here in the West, the time to expand, to venture into the unknown had come.

But to return to the initial point, food does not exist, nor does air, nor does death. These are just programs we have invested heavily in, to get complete with those experiences. What is the ultimate reason we choose these experiences? Why buy a house? Why drive a car? Why die young in the slums of India? We are here to gather the experience of emotion. These experiences grant us emotions. As we get complete with each emotion, we gradually step away from the extremes, away from the duality. You’ll notice that the Zen monk is not a very emotional person, and the protestors on the streets are screaming and crying and violent. See the difference? One has learned to observe the highs and lows, and bank the emotional growth within spirit, the other is still early on in the journey, freely exploring and enjoying the wide range, the highs and lows, the roller coaster of emotion. Part of the game has been to eat, to breathe, to die. Another level will be to conquer these steps and see what lies beyond.

The Grid

As I contemplate these things, all in observation, the grid of this place is sometimes revealed to me. Ramtha described it as a grid, some call it the cosmic grid, cosmic web or crystalline grid, The Matrix showed it as computer code.  All we see is superimposed over the grid, or code. I’ve began at times to to see more of what this place is, or isn’t.

Although I am strongly moved to know who I am, and what this place is, I wish these questions to be answered gradually. Having encountered plenty of challenging circumstances during ayahuasca ceremonies, I have a little experience with being under pressure, with having my perception of reality really tested. We can go into shock, our whole framework for how we operate in this body can be rattled when too much awareness is disclosed suddenly. The ego mind needs to retreat back to the familiar boundaries of the third dimension. Until, sometime again, we feel moved to expand, to peek back out there and see what else there may be.

(For those interested, I run a 6 week online course for women that includes daily meditations individually chosen for each person, 3 remote energy healing sessions and the exact steps I use daily in order to neutralise and care for my own pain as it arises. I am also in the process of building A School For Warrior Women. If any of this work interests you, be free to make contact with me or click this link to find out more.)

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Gav