A few years back on the winter solstice in an ayahuasca ceremony, I was broken down. I had a horrid journey, snakes and demons snapping at me all night long. I struggled to retain consciousness, I kept drifting off and then waking up to entities all over me, in my face. I couldn't stay with the medicine. Without some consciousness we can't work with what is presented. I was sweating, I was purging loudly and disturbing the group.
In the previous months I had experienced great breakthroughs and went into ceremony with the expectation that this would be an end of year finale for me, set me up all rosy for the New Year. How wrong I was.
I experienced one of the most important and transformational nights of my life.
Four years ago during a medicine ceremony I journeyed over two nights through many different experiences as womankind, living and feeling all the pains and pressures, the violence and ways of survival, through many ages.
At the time I did not fully know why I was taken on that journey, but in the months that followed what began to unfold was the work I do today. I was tuned to work with women, with the feminine, to be able to read and guide women. That's not to say in this like I am a woman, nor that I fully understand, but I follow my guidance with those I work with. The work naturally developed to include men too over time. In the following years I have had journeys around the feminine but not often with Mother.
What would be born from a Golden Temple (womb), but only a Golden Race.
Consider reading with a beginners mind, consider that you might not know who you are or where you have come from. So when reading about reptilians don't assume they are something to be feared, and relevant to other people far away from you. I have met a number of people who are both human and reptilian and of course had no conscious awareness.
If we look at ourselves and those around us, we are barely conscious, of course we like to think we are awake and fully in control of our lives but with a little more contemplation we will concede that we have little awareness of who or what we are, and little or no conscious influence in the greater scheme of things. I don't know a single human personally who is fully conscious, so it is interesting to me that we have been sold the idea that reptilians seem to be fully conscious of what they are doing here. Like humans, many reptilians are not fully aware what they are doing and why, and many humans are also reptilian, among many other beings from other places. It's not them versus us, because many of us are these other beings without realising it. I myself spent a couple of years becoming aware of my own reptilian aspect, and thanks to people like David Icke I was horrified at first as I began to meet these pieces of myself. Reptilians are similar to humans in that there are good and not so good. We are all God consciousness, see nothing as a problem, merely find the gift within any aspect your ego perceives as a flaw. So if you begin to encounter others as reptilians or even yourself, be open to learning why you are being shown this, and how you can capitalize on this expansion, rather than fear it, as I did, and try to escape, which only slows down our awakening.
The body is moving to a new fuel source and this is the transitional period.
It’s the spring equinox, and later this evening the full moon peaks.
Earlier I felt I needed to be still. I sat in the dark, as I do often, and observed within.
I became aware of fierce tension in my upper back and neck.
I stayed present with it and allowed it to lock with tightness. I witnessed it, the tension, the energy, the frequency as being. I welcomed it and assured it I was not going anywhere. I would stay there forever in that state, I had no place to go. This raging frequency within me was and is my priority.
I invited it to live within my heart and assured it that we were one.
Out of the chaos came the light. Out of the will came life. - The Egyptian Book of the Dead
Twelve years ago I was in a Ramtha retreat high in the Italian mountains, far away from anywhere. After a focus exercise, I stopped breathing for what felt like minutes. I mean three or four minutes. My body didn’t breathe, I had no need to breathe. I didn’t plan or intend this, my mind was elsewhere until I realised my body was no longer breathing, so I lay there and observed the stillness, until the breath began again.
If you're invested in security and certainty, you are on the wrong planet.
— Pema Chödrön
I think our journey, certainly as human beings, consists of two overall stages, the journey away from ourselves, to expand, to play, to grow and be tested. And then a second stage, the journey back home, to return to ourselves. Both stages I imagine can take many many lifetimes.
Freedom meant one thing to him - home. But they wouldn't let him go home.
We are already free, we are already whole, we are already enough, but to realise these states, can only be done by testing the boundaries, to find the walls of the cage, to push against them, to indulge in all the third dimensional pleasures and distractions, and lose ourselves. By losing our true spirit, by getting lost down narrow avenues, we realise we miss the great expanse of our own souls, and as this discomfort settles in, so begins the journey home. We must lose ourselves, to find ourselves. This is the journey we are on. This is the Homecoming. And from this life, right now, (you did chose to come to this site and read this article), if we can retain some degree of self awareness, can hold a beginning, middle and end, we can add a little more conscious wisdom to our storehouse, and very gradually the path begins to unfold before us.
Whereas once I was lost, now I am found,
Whereas once i was blind now i can see
Over a recent weekend I entered into a couple of deeper works, a Holotropic Breathwork day on Saturday, my fourth this year, and I received DMT in ceremony on Monday, my first time with this medicine. In the days after I can feel I'm wide open, irritable, vulnerable, sensitive, and the reflection is palpable. When I tune in, become present and conscious, I can see what has been placed before me is intentional, and purposeful for my awareness and growth, certainly not random. The sense of an expanded consciousness is both invigorating and frightening. The familiar world view is comfortable, the confusion of that falling away is unnerving and leads to the "am I going mad?" thought from time to time. But out of this new unexplored state, comes new ideas and perceptions, a small step further into awareness of my path, of who and what I am, of what this place is.
Expansion is now
I have been in contact with Denny from the YouTube channel WhyIsThisTrue? for a few months and we have tried a few times to line up an interview as he wanted to hear more about my Queen work with our Mother Goddess and the divine feminine energy. Find Denny's channel here. Finally we made it happen, so I spoke a little about the Queen work and also about the Reflection work of late. Find the link to the interview below.
As I've been attending various healing ceremonies and weekends of late I thought I'd write a guide for anyone seeking to engage in some deeper spiritual work on themselves. Often people don't know where to start or what to look for so I thought I'd give a few pointers that may be of use.
I could actually finish this post by just saying : Trust your gut, but I'll elaborate a little.
Follow your instinct, you may feel its time to engage in something light, that makes you feel good and enjoy life, perhaps yoga or meditation, some kind of spiritual discussion group. Go for it, get out there, there really is so much to choose from these days both online and locally to open our minds to a new way of viewing the world. Meditation many think is about being blissed out, I don't think it is, I've written about the challenge that is meditation here, a realistic view.