It’s the spring equinox, and later this evening the full moon peaks.
Earlier I felt I needed to be still. I sat in the dark, as I do often, and observed within.
I became aware of fierce tension in my upper back and neck.
I stayed present with it and allowed it to lock with tightness. I witnessed it, the tension, the energy, the frequency as being. I welcomed it and assured it I was not going anywhere. I would stay there forever in that state, I had no place to go. This raging frequency within me was and is my priority.
I invited it to live within my heart and assured it that we were one.
Out of the chaos came the light. Out of the will came life. - The Egyptian Book of the Dead
Twelve years ago I was in a Ramtha retreat high in the Italian mountains, far away from anywhere. After a focus exercise, I stopped breathing for what felt like minutes. I mean three or four minutes. My body didn’t breathe, I had no need to breathe. I didn’t plan or intend this, my mind was elsewhere until I realised my body was no longer breathing, so I lay there and observed the stillness, until the breath began again.
If you're invested in security and certainty, you are on the wrong planet.
— Pema Chödrön
I think our journey, certainly as human beings, consists of two overall stages, the journey away from ourselves, to expand, to play, to grow and be tested. And then a second stage, the journey back home, to return to ourselves. Both stages I imagine can take many many lifetimes.
Freedom meant one thing to him - home. But they wouldn't let him go home.
We are already free, we are already whole, we are already enough, but to realise these states, can only be done by testing the boundaries, to find the walls of the cage, to push against them, to indulge in all the third dimensional pleasures and distractions, and lose ourselves. By losing our true spirit, by getting lost down narrow avenues, we realise we miss the great expanse of our own souls, and as this discomfort settles in, so begins the journey home. We must lose ourselves, to find ourselves. This is the journey we are on. This is the Homecoming. And from this life, right now, (you did chose to come to this site and read this article), if we can retain some degree of self awareness, can hold a beginning, middle and end, we can add a little more conscious wisdom to our storehouse, and very gradually the path begins to unfold before us.
Whereas once I was lost, now I am found,
Whereas once i was blind now i can see
Over a recent weekend I entered into a couple of deeper works, a Holotropic Breathwork day on Saturday, my fourth this year, and I received DMT in ceremony on Monday, my first time with this medicine. In the days after I can feel I'm wide open, irritable, vulnerable, sensitive, and the reflection is palpable. When I tune in, become present and conscious, I can see what has been placed before me is intentional, and purposeful for my awareness and growth, certainly not random. The sense of an expanded consciousness is both invigorating and frightening. The familiar world view is comfortable, the confusion of that falling away is unnerving and leads to the "am I going mad?" thought from time to time. But out of this new unexplored state, comes new ideas and perceptions, a small step further into awareness of my path, of who and what I am, of what this place is.
Expansion is now
I have been in contact with Denny from the YouTube channel WhyIsThisTrue? for a few months and we have tried a few times to line up an interview as he wanted to hear more about my Queen work with our Mother Goddess and the divine feminine energy. Find Denny's channel here. Finally we made it happen, so I spoke a little about the Queen work and also about the Reflection work of late. Find the link to the interview below.
As I've been attending various healing ceremonies and weekends of late I thought I'd write a guide for anyone seeking to engage in some deeper spiritual work on themselves. Often people don't know where to start or what to look for so I thought I'd give a few pointers that may be of use.
I could actually finish this post by just saying : Trust your gut, but I'll elaborate a little.
Follow your instinct, you may feel its time to engage in something light, that makes you feel good and enjoy life, perhaps yoga or meditation, some kind of spiritual discussion group. Go for it, get out there, there really is so much to choose from these days both online and locally to open our minds to a new way of viewing the world. Meditation many think is about being blissed out, I don't think it is, I've written about the challenge that is meditation here, a realistic view.
This is the second of three parts on reality. Read Part 1 There Is No Spoon - How To Manipulate Reality here.
To carry on from part one, we may struggle with some heavy experiences in our lives such as deaths, accidents, abuse etc. It's not easy to take responsibility for these things and it takes time and regular reminders as its very easy to slip into blame or victim mode.
A couple of points I am exploring regarding those heavy and dark experiences we've had:
It's not that others are not real, it's that what you experience is made out of your own energy in your reality. - Bashar
In a ceremony last weekend I received further guidance on who I am and what my role here is, but I also encountered yet more dark energy that I released. This dark energy can be called entities or demons but increasingly I feel the later terms are not warranted. The demons or entities are in fact merely energy, that we form from our own consciousness. I am the darkness and the light.
But something I have often heard others talk about, and I "believed" myself, I finally had the fortune to experience. I was shown that all is from the light. In the retreat on my journey, it can feel as if there is no time, so I don't know how long this lesson took, I assume moments or minutes in our own understanding.
I was shown that all is from the light.
For those who have been reading my newsletters and articles and watching my videos for the past year or so, you'll be aware that my life has taken an unexpected turn. I've always been deeply spiritual, I've known I want and need to communicate, but I've never really thought as myself as an energy healer, I still don't. I was told in my very first ayahuasca ceremony by Mother Ayahuasca that I am a Light Worker. I did have a slight interest but didn't know where to start or really if it was just me looking for something to identify myself with. Well in a sense, healing found me.
As a result of last years ceremonies, my own ongoing meditation, and my use of Psilosybin (which I intend to discuss in detail soon) for meditations and channeling I have found myself practising as a healer of various sorts. I'm not particularly comfortable with that term, but it conveys what I need to say without having a long debate on what occurs. Ultimately I understand I am a teacher, I am here to teach and guide, but healing is an ability I now find myself with. I don't see this as my life's work, I see it as a stepping stone along this unfolding.
I think you were sent to me to take me to the next level but I doubt I could have worked with you until I had unplugged from the matrix. - Ria