A few months back I wrote in detail of my first journey drinking Ayahusca, you can read the previous articles here. Since then I returned to drink the medicine three more times, once per month. This is a brief overview of those later ceremonies and some observations of what has happened since.
My first experience was quite traumatic, but I always knew, even during that continuous terrifying purging, that I would be back. I knew in my gut that it was no coincidence I had sought out that type of work, and there was further work for me to do, where it would lead I didn’t know, I still don’t. I’ll continue where I left off, so if you have not read the previous articles I recommend doing so to have a fuller understanding.
I had a strong sense this night had all been planned perhaps three to five thousand years ago.
My intention I took into the ceremony was for more purging, as I wanted to be free of whatever else was weighing me down, but also I needed to experience some light, some love. I wanted to know that all this work and struggle was worthwhile.
I drank my dose of medicine and managed to not purge for about thirty minutes, the first half of my night was traumatic similar to the first, very demonic, satanic. I will not go into detail here as this earlier post properly covers purging and the demonic energy I encountered. I felt less effected by it this time. I sensed the purge coming, Mother sought out whatever was attached to me, feeding off me, dragging me down, and a purge would build and finally roar out. The worst part of this whole night was the first thirty minutes after drinking the medicine, the anticipation of that terror. I panicked and wanted to bolt out of there.
The most memorable moment of that night was midway through, I felt exhausted, I struggled to stay awake, I was slouched over my basin sweating, feeling circled by demonic energy. Suddenly the music in the room stopped. The shaman began to play the Bodhran (Irish drum), instantly the entity that had been dragging me down reacted, I later wondered if it had been doing its best to pull me to sleep to stop me focusing and purging it out. This thing sprang to life, I was forced bolt upright as my stomach contracted and roars began to find their way up my gut and out my mouth. The room was totally silent apart from the rhythm of the Bodhran so I was self-conscious of disturbing the peace, and that I was on show, but this was beyond me. My experience of purging is some of them take over the body, the closest term I could use might be an exorcism. So I do not command the voice or body, the demon who is being expelled seems to as he departs in a struggle. As the rhythm of the Bodhran played on this thing fought to remain inside me, the Shaman later told me he had to work his rhythm to tune into my purge to draw the entity out. Eventually it roared from me violently and I collapsed in exhaustion hearing a few people in the room cheer and say “well done”. This was an incredible moment, the pitch black room, the rhythm of the drum, the groaning, roaring demonic purge.
The music restarted and I lay back, beginning to feel real love for the others in the circle, and gratitude for being there, engaged in the Great Work, facing our demons, purging them, venturing into the unknown with pure intentions. During my first night I had been told I was a “light worker” and this night I was reconnected with my “light family”, from the beginning I was told I was being worked on, upgraded, cleaned, healed, prepared, and not to worry, that whatever happened I was under their protection. At the end of the night a member of the circle had been given information through the medicine about me while on her journey which she passed on to me too. This was very interesting as her information complimented much of my own and added a few new details.
The third time drinking the medicine I was terrified beforehand, physically shaking, I wanted to vomit or shit myself. The thought of facing all that demonic stuff again was just getting too much. I noticed that in my time outside of the ceremonies I longed to be free, I felt fearless and driven to know who I am and what I am here for, to purge my darkness, but in pre ceremony I felt terrified of taking larger doses of the medicine for what it might bring. When asked to choose my dose I asked for a small amount, then instantly changed my mind and upped the level, I had to push through this fear.
As before my night started very dark, demonic as usual, I purged violently and then gradually began to feel exhausted, I could barely stay awake. I had been told that sometimes Mother might put someone to sleep so she can do her work without the conscious mind fighting. My mind circled between three thoughts for what felt like forty five minutes or so as I barely remained conscious. I would realise “I feel like I am in the grip of something demonic”, to “why can’t I stay awake?” to “I don’t have the energy to focus and fight it.” I continued in those thoughts again and again gradually realising this was a pattern. I felt as if a hand was closed around me, I was held in the grip of something dark but I was too exhausted to focus or fight or purge.
Then suddenly a number of people in the room began to purge loudly at the same time, I instinctively felt they were purging the thing that was holding me captive. I looked up and thought I saw a few people in the room around me telling me to relax. I lay back convinced they were working on me energetically, I found out later this was not the case, not in the physical world anyway. After their purging I instantly felt better, my energy returned and I felt as though I had been released from prison. I saw myself lay back on a chair in a white room, being worked on by invisible “mechanics”. Again I was being cleaned, healed, repaired, prepared. Soon bolts of energy began to rocket through me, my legs stood out in the air vibrating, my arms floated out in front of me. I felt convinced I was about to float out of the chair at any moment. A couple of people in the room did come and perform energy work on me, on and off for what seemed like an hour or so my limbs vibrated in the air. I felt great, relaxed, full of joy and love and healing. I felt I had reached the other side of my demons and that this energy work could not be performed until I was free of them. This was a powerful night all round. Incredible.
During this night I had a strong sense this night had all been planned perhaps three to five thousand years ago, this was no coincidence that I found that group, or arrived in that room that night, I was reconnected and being worked on by familiar beings. I have been on this path for thousands of years, my work started a long time ago.
As usual I was the first to purge, about thirty minutes in, loud, violent purges. Not long after I began to struggle with a purge. Sometimes the entity can really hold on, it becomes hard to breathe as the medicine and physical body is trying to expel this being, there is a feeling of powerlessness, all I can do is observe my own spirit coupled with the medicine push this thing as it flares up within me. I was forced bolt upright, sweat running down my face, my inner eye trained on this energy as it struggled, roaring purges, followed by relief.
He saw a bubble of geometric colour over me, protecting me.
Then I was tapped on my arm by the Shaman, I knew immediately this was odd, he’s never worked on me before in ceremony. He later told me he came over as he saw a bubble of geometric colour over me, protecting me, he was fascinated by it. More and more I am being shown that I am being protected in this work. There seems to be a team, a plan, in a way it seems very obvious to me. Nothing is by coincidence. The higher workers can only do so much. I have to get myself to that room, I have to surrender to the medicine, I have to try to maintain my spirit throughout the weeks between ceremonies, which is not easy. I was having increasing reptilian visions and became increasingly confused as to what was happening. Seeing reptilian eyes, scales, claws, not entirely threatening after the purge, just confusing. My mind began to race. I have been told my heart chakra is sealed up closed, which needs work to open it, but all this rising kundalini energy will then bypass the heart and can lead to a racing mind.
The shaman worked on me for a while, sweat poured from me all over, energy charged through me, my head bent back down my spine further than I thought possible, my throat pulsated and stretched, my arms reached for the sky, my legs flexed out in front of me. I didn’t know if this was a different form of purge, or simply the ignition of further energy centres, I still don’t.
Later on the shaman returned with another energy worker and they both worked on me. The same occurred, heat and explosive energy.
What have I noticed since?
Since my first ceremony my meditations have been turned up in intensity. For twenty three years I have had bursts of kundalini energy from time to time, perhaps for a few days and then it would pass. For the past twelve months I have had regular increasing kundalini energy up the back of my neck, restrictive, uncomfortable, as if my neck was about to snap. In the past few months this has increased, physical shaking, vibrating as I meditate, not every time but often, heat, sweating, and most significantly, contact, communication with other beings, a bubble of pure consciousness, pure clear communication. I may discuss this at a later stage. Vague images of different beings and dimensions, not always pleasant, I have little to say about them, as I know very little. My day to day state of mind I have noticed a lot of moments of stillness, to just stop and listen, be present, be aware that each moment will never occur again.
I know I am in the middle of something, the cleansing is ongoing and I know it is leading somewhere. I am being prepared for my work, why I chose to return to this planet, for what looks like “multi generational” work. I feel calmer having more understanding why I am here, and confirmation of sorts, but I have a purpose. Of course I have my bad days, where none of this makes sense and I struggle on, but my life had previously ground to a halt, so I have a lot to do to try to get back on track and rebuild a new direction, to own up to my strengths and be brave enough to develop and use them.
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