A couple weeks back I wrote an Instagram post on receiving my sword in a holotropic breathwork session. Today’s post covers a trip to Dowth, a sacred site in Ireland, where a couple years ago I received my crown in an initiation. Dowth, and more famously Newgrange are Irish sites older than the Egyptian pyramids and Stonehenge. Dowth is a collapsed cairn or tomb, in an area of Ireland where there are many of these sites, some really overrun with tourism. But Dowth is often quiet, not many people go there, you can drive up a narrow country road, pull in to the side and simply walk into the field and walk around.
Myself and a friend had been visiting a few of these sites regularly when guided to. Dowth to us had been revealed as the home of what we termed as Dark Mother, the shadow of Mother, the frustrated, manipulated, manipulative, abandoned, undesired, unfulfilled side of the feminine.
During one ayahuasca ceremony I was surrounded by many babies and children who had been satanically sexually abused and sacrificed. I acknowledged them, welcomed and embraced them, yet also acknowledged my role in their death. I am consciousness, so all that has and is happening flows through me, these challenging acts are not separate from me, I am not above them or better than them.
We are all of consciousness, to judge or reject any facet of it is to add a charge to it. As our world judges and reacts and protests to various goings on, we are fueling these occurrences to continue, until we evolve past the charge, and can stand as the witness, the great Observer.
A couple days after that ceremony early one morning I felt moved to drive to Dowth, as I got on the road I became aware these children were still with me, attached. I delivered them to Dark Mother, her, our, babies with small ceremony and my work was done.
Often if we just turn up, do what we feel moved to do, life unfolds.
So this different day I was at Dowth with my friend, we worked around the usual points and arrived at the male entrance to the cairn. We knelt and looked in, my friend had known what was coming, she received guidance days beforehand but never told me. She took out her phone to photograph inside the cairn and seeing the clock read 11:11 she instinctively put the phone away, placed her hand on my head and began to speak her light language. I knew quickly I was in ceremony and became aware my crown was being returned.
The crown I understand to be related to the crown chakra, the connection to higher awareness, the Higher Self, rather than about any form of head gear or royalty the way humans use the word.
As in the last post about receiving my sword my ego became excited afterwards thinking “I’m now a King.” but as I’ve said before a fool with a sword is still a fool, and a fool wearing a crown is still a fool. I had to continue to work, to honour my masculinity and the women I worked with, to honour all the energies and entities such as reptilians and demons that I encountered, to continue to move into my power, to strengthen my connection to my own Higher Self, and see where that takes me.
A fool wearing a crown is still a fool.
Previously at Dowth, the first time myself and my friend visited the place, we both received the same download at the same time, we finished each others sentences. We were flushed with our memories of the place. Our remembrance was that we had both lived on that land thousands of years ago. That these sites are and were technology centers of sorts, built on specific lay-lines that run around the planet. We knew that the lower masculine had to expand and explore, and so would follow a period of destruction, so “we”, our tribe, our beings, knew it was time to disconnect and remove most of our higher technology before it became infiltrated and used for destruction. Don’t get me wrong, the destruction is not a bad thing, consciousness, just like children, has to expand and learn, make “mistakes” as we humans say. Death and rebirth is essential to growth and expansion. Destruction is essential to construction. There is no good or evil, they are one and the same.
So myself and my friend were of Irish mystery schools, we later worked in early ancient Egypt until the time was right to disconnect the energy centers there. But Egypt was a much larger operation, Dowth was a smaller group. My awareness is that we were already ascended, enlightened, or thereabouts as we worked as teachers among masters, Queens and Kings and worked with higher frequency. As I’ve said before, and what modern spirituality seems to misunderstand, is the whole point of our human lives is to journey in this human garment, remembering who we are, remembering ascension. The journey is what is important. Many people these days are trying to skip the journey to fast-track to enlightenment, which would entirely defeat the whole purpose of why spirit has chosen to come in as human.
But before Egypt was Dowth, and now we embarked on a time of devolution, to journey fully as human, surrendering our higher abilities, our “swords” and “crowns”, be forgotten and lost among men, and thus gather experience and wisdom along the road home to remembrance. What a mighty journey!
Part of the purpose of this journey was to gather in and experience, breathe total destruction, darkness, and the way to do it began with our role of killing other people who worked with us at this site, with their permission and agreement (we all understood there is no death, no “wrong”, only expansion), to terminate our groups higher work and to instigate the lower emotions, draw lower beings in to work within us.
Within every single experience wisdom and growth can be found.
So we shut down the energetic location and then killed the others and killed each other, to be reborn without our higher abilities, our crowns, our swords, our greater awareness, among other things. We ventured into the world as less evolved humans, engaging in plenty of violence, including much sexual violence, all expanding our beings and the greater consciousness. Working our way towards this lifetime. All those we encountered along the way contracted to be part of this work, to take on the challenge of breathing in the ultimate darkness, the ultimate loss of light, to experience the great journey of remembrance, and to carry the gems of wisdom and experience as we approach the end of this section of the journey. So many of us now reconnect with varying degrees of awareness, we work and clear as victim and perpetrator, male and female, and come full circle to integrate with each other as equal workers and teachers, to integrate those parts we surrendered all those years ago at Dowth, and again along the roads of our demise. So often people I meet and work with these days remember me, or I them, and sometimes we remember each other, we are familiar to each other, what I’ve just told you resonates with us, it rings a bell, we’ve found each other. But not all remember, yet.
The idea that spirituality or the pursuit of enlightenment need only contain glossy shiny experiences is a modern mostly Western invention. It is simply the human ego clinging to some insulated comfortable ideal. Consciousness expands. Within every single experience wisdom and growth can be found. A helpful example may be to tell you that I am a sober alcoholic and drug addict, having used substances in my past to escape my pain led me to destruction and depression. Having worked my way over 20yrs out of that dark hole I now carry wisdom and practical experience that may benefit other addicts. Addicts listen to me (not always), I speak their language, I was there, I know the behaviour and thinking intimately. So while I was an active drug addict my journey may not have made any sense, people would have worried, tried to help, tried to change. But take a step back and you may see that the brief period in addiction was simply a crucial stage in my journey, following on from the years and lifetimes prior, and adding to the years and lifetimes yet to come. This experience when integrated becomes purposeful and contains experience and wisdom for me to expand further.
So for those of you carrying trauma, experience with depression, violence, sexual violence, there is great power and wisdom on the other side of integration. When no longer at the mercy of the frequencies of these experiences (we all carry them, from personal experience or inherited from the family line), we present a newly evolved energy to the world. No longer resonating victim, suffering, dysfunctional relationships or dynamics with the opposite sex, we carry empathy and compassion for others but not pity, we know first hand how to empower others to get free, to take responsibility for the lives we have designed, and take responsibility and action to work our way through it. We have sat in the furnace of trauma, lived, gleaned the wisdom and power, and then take that force into the world, integrated, balanced, brought home to the heart. We see pain in the world, and rather than recoil from it, as those who have not integrated it do, we can witness the growth available to those suffering, but also offer our experience and insight from having reached the other side, if required.
This is a master, one who has lived all the light and dark and through experience, not understanding or research, but felt it, witnessed all ranges of frequency within, and embraced the lot. Yet there are many many layers to mastery, many layers of trauma to face, self imposed limitations to face. You contracted your violent husband, your unruly children, your oppressive government, your cheating wife. We draw it all in to teach us.
Incidentally, while finishing up this post in the library one day, I glanced up, out the window and in the distance, this crown caught my eye. Scroll down for more detail.
(I run an 8 week online course on Shadow Work where I coach people over the weeks how we take responsibility and learn from the experiences and people we are drawing in. If any of this work interests you, be free to make contact with me or click this link to find out more.)
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