A few years back on the winter solstice in an ayahuasca ceremony, I was broken down. I had a horrid journey, snakes and demons snapping at me all night long. I struggled to retain consciousness, I kept drifting off and then waking up to entities all over me, in my face. I couldn't stay with the medicine. Without some consciousness we can't work with what is presented. I was sweating, I was purging loudly and disturbing the group.
In the previous months I had experienced great breakthroughs and went into ceremony with the expectation that this would be an end of year finale for me, set me up all rosy for the New Year. How wrong I was.
I experienced one of the most important and transformational nights of my life.
I have worked nearly 30yrs towards this present time, this Great shift, the Corona (Crown) Awakening. I wrote recently about King and Crown energy here. I knew it was coming for the past 3yrs but I didn't know what it would look like, and it's taken me time to recognise the opportunity. The egoic mind can be so convincing, yet to think it knows what a future awakening will look like, is ridiculous when we consider it. Yet another lesson of stepping away from the mind as master and into the unknown.
We have chosen this pause and reset. Life hasn't stopped, but it will accelerate, on each of our time lines as each of us reach our point of target. So your life may be sluggish and challenging for weeks or months, or just days, depending on your ability to be present and integrate. (Translation: consider not wasting time catching up on work, or watching Netflix, but being present with your own deconstruction/expansion)
The purpose of this pause is to return inward
A couple weeks back I wrote an Instagram post on receiving my sword in a holotropic breathwork session. Today's post covers a trip to Dowth, a sacred site in Ireland, where a couple years ago I received my crown in an initiation. Dowth, and more famously Newgrange are Irish sites older than the Egyptian pyramids and Stonehenge. Dowth is a collapsed cairn or tomb, in an area of Ireland where there are many of these sites, some really overrun with tourism. But Dowth is often quiet, not many people go there, you can drive up a narrow country road, pull in to the side and simply walk into the field and walk around.
Myself and a friend had been visiting a few of these sites regularly when guided to. Dowth to us had been revealed as the home of what we termed as Dark Mother, the shadow of Mother, the frustrated, manipulated, manipulative, abandoned, undesired, unfulfilled side of the feminine.
Over a recent weekend I entered into a couple of deeper works, a Holotropic Breathwork day on Saturday, my fourth this year, and I received DMT in ceremony on Monday, my first time with this medicine. In the days after I can feel I'm wide open, irritable, vulnerable, sensitive, and the reflection is palpable. When I tune in, become present and conscious, I can see what has been placed before me is intentional, and purposeful for my awareness and growth, certainly not random. The sense of an expanded consciousness is both invigorating and frightening. The familiar world view is comfortable, the confusion of that falling away is unnerving and leads to the "am I going mad?" thought from time to time. But out of this new unexplored state, comes new ideas and perceptions, a small step further into awareness of my path, of who and what I am, of what this place is.
Expansion is now
A few months back when I was screened to receive ayahuasca, I was asked if I had ever tried Holotropic Breathwork, I had not, I'd never heard of it before. I now know it is a practice for deep therapeutic work so not for everyone. I think when people exhaust the lighter means to feel good, perhaps addressing the more superficial causes, they may be forced to explore their trauma, or psyche and beyond into much deeper work, or remain in the struggle, stuck. Sometimes when the frustration and pain gets too much, we have little to lose, that's when the real work begins.
My article is only to briefly mention my own experience. With some of these practises I feel it best to dive in and get the experience, rather than the intellect trying to decipher how and why it works. The mind can ruin what would otherwise be a great new journey. If you wish to know more of the details, here is a good primer Twelve Things You Should Know About Holotropic Breathwork.
So I'll spare you the details of how it all works, just to say Holotropic Breathwork was created by psychiatrist Stan Groff in the 70's. Groff carried out a lot of work with LSD treating patients. When LSD became illegal Groff went in search of natural ways to achieve similar results, the result is Holotropic Breathwork.
This night was planned by my guides and ancestors.