Ayahuasca Part 2 – Why I Drank The Vine Of Death
This is Part 2 of a 3 part series on my first ayahuasca experience. Part 1 available here which covers what ayahuasca is, its effects and my knowledge of the ceremony before I first drank it.
Part 3 you can find here. There will also be audio files further describing the journey coming soon.
I would say I’ve felt driven to be free for all of my life. At times a burning desire to understand life and to experience the expansion of mind beyond this physical reality. Despite much contemplation, around twenty four years of meditation, ten of which I practised twice daily, never missing a meditation, I’ve meditated on trains, planes, in toilet cubicles, any quiet space I could find to keep to my daily discipline. I’ve practised all manner of techniques on releasing stress and furthering my spiritual evolution: EFT, Ho’oponopono, Native American Sweat lodges, Floatation Tanks, Energy Healing, different forms of yoga, many forms of meditation, spiritual retreats in different parts of the world, taken courses on philosophy, Gnosticism, astral travel, among others, received many sessions of massage, Craniosacral Therapy, acupuncture… and on and on it goes. All have been helpful to some degree, they got me over a hump perhaps to continue on in search of deeper fulfilment and a number I continue to practise regularly to this day. I’ve always asked questions, got easily frustrated with life and bored with the day to day as I see it. I was bored with life long before I hit my teens. Never sure if I was just doing it wrong, or on a different path in search of a different experience than what we are bombarded with in today’s society. I’ve found it much harder to trust my own voice and direction, something that is changing with age, than to find the path that is best suited to me.
I began to explore the possibilities of multiple realities coexisting simultaneously.
I have had periods of depression, of suicidal thoughts, certainly not constant. I’m hesitant to use the term depression, as I’ve been able to function. I’ve known people who have suffered with serious depression, and am lucky I did not suffer to that degree. But sadly this is nothing unusual these days. I had a few years of destructive drink and drug use, and crashed and burned by age 22, found myself facing sobriety in twelve step programs. I’ve been “sober” ever since, however, abstaining does not solve the root problem: why would an intelligent being seek to escape reality, along the way damaging himself, potentially killing himself using these substances in an extreme way?
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Throughout my years of recovery and meditation I continued to contemplate the power of the mind, the spirit, to leave the body, astral projection, remote viewing, remote healing, seeing the future, these are the types of subjects that attracted me, the metaphysical, the unexplainable. I had a lot experiences with some of these over the years which I wont bother to discuss here, just to say that the possibilities of alternate realities and the hunger for that potential stayed with me. There is a line in the song Sit Down by English band James “If I hadn’t seen such riches I could live with being poor“. This was exactly my problem, I have experienced what many would deem imagination, or impossible, or magic or simply unexplainable, and I want more of it, a lot more of it, for I view these experiences as our natural state, not as freak occurrences. But the frustrating part is having these experiences was only briefly lifting my peace of mind, my quality of life was not increasing. Surely with all this self discovery, exploration, meditation and work on myself I should be happy? Or even doing pretty good? On a good path? Well I’d say I’ve been none of those three of late.
Three and a half years ago I discovered Charles Skillas, a shaman, hypnotherapist, Reiki master based in Florida. Some of Skillas’ work deals with removing entities from peoples consciousness, demons, earth bound spirits and the like. I downloaded his book from his website, free when I registered for his newsletter and started reading. I’ve been into some strange stuff during my life, but this was a new one, I previously never had any interest in demons, dark entities etc controlling people, part of me thought it was nonsense. So I read his book full of case histories and began to relate to many of the people in it. I was practising Qigong (or Chi Kung) regularly at the time and began to feel the spirit of a dead friend of mine named Rory, was attached to me. When I was about five years old coming from school Rory and I climbed onto the back of a parked truck, the truck moved away and he fell under the back wheel and was crushed and killed instantly. I now felt that his spirit was attached to me, among other things, darker things. This was not the first time I had encountered Rory’s spirit doing energy work, but now my understanding was clearer than ever before.
I was told six demons were removed from my consciousness.
So I had a session with Dr. Skillas and then a follow up Skype call to hear his findings. I was told six demons were removed, two earth bound spirits, one of which was Rory, and a number of fragmentations of my parents consciousness amounting to a lot of fear, anger, sadness. I would recommend his book for a proper description of what these things are, how they attach to us and the effects they have on our mental and physical health. Also this link is a selection of his articles covering everything from depression to parallel universes to physical pain. I was told I had a “beautiful light”, suggesting I was here to carry out some important work in this lifetime. He told me darker energies are attracted to people with strong lights, they feed off us and ultimately aim to destroy us. He told me I was in my 978th lifetime, not yet an old soul, most of us incarnate around 2,500 times and an old soul would be around 1500 to 1800 lifetimes. This all sounded wonderful although of course I didn’t know what to do with this information. The “beautiful light” comment stayed with me though.
I then discovered the Archons, inter-dimensional demons who feed on human energy.
So I had about ten days of bliss, calm, I felt good, and then the darkness and anger hit me harder than previously. Over the next year or so I had two more sessions, a number more entities removed, but noticed no real change in myself or my state of mind. This is no criticism of Dr. Skillas, his books opened me up to this whole idea, he’s a lovely man and I don’t doubt his ability, I just see now that I needed a lot more work. Many of his case histories detail people who needed multiple sessions to clean out their consciousness. I’m grateful for his work and the path it set me on.
Time passed and I then discovered the theories of the Archons, interdimensional spirits or demons that feed off our energy, lower energy, anger, fear, lust and the like. They drag us down. I looked into what they possibly look like, where in the body they can attach, what their purpose is. My introduction was an interview with Harald Kautz Vella here. This information was a similar take to Dr. Skillas work, and again I began to feel increasingly that my greater energy was being fed upon. My meditations were strange at times, I’ve experienced strong kundalini energy over the years, now it felt trapped either in the pit of my stomach, or else the back of my neck during meditation. Waves of energy through my head were normal. The sensation was as if a huge wave of energy was trying to burst free into my brain and beyond, but while trapped in the back of my neck I could barely swallow or move my head one millimetre, if I was to move my head suddenly I felt as if my neck would just snap like a stick. My state of mind at times was becoming almost uncontrollable when tired or weak. During one session of Ho’oponpono my neck became locked right back for about half an hour. During that session I felt what I can only describe as a release of multiple entities. In this instance, and in meditation I was frustrated, but not afraid, I felt centred and just observed and continued the practise knowing that I was not in any danger.
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In early 2015 I developed a morning routine as a result of listening to a podcast by Pat Flynn interviewing Hal Elrod. Hal wrote a book called The Miracle Morning, I soon had the idea to adapt my morning routine to focus more so on the areas I was intending to develop, I developed a routine of three different types of mediation and focus that I was using to work on the frontal lobe in the brain. I spent about one hour each morning and about one hour at night before bed practising this routine. I bought various supplements for mind and body, began drinking bulletproof tea, or my own variation, I added a mix of supplements to my diet to help enhance the pineal gland or third eye. I got checked three times by my Vega tester (type of homeopath) who I’ve used for about eight years instead of the family doctor (only because I’ve had much better results). I took melatonin for sleep, bought Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson and looked at how I could improve my rest. I engaged an NLP practitioner to help reprogram my mind regarding some blocks in my focus. I began taking ice cold showers when possible before my routine to help shock the brain and improve results. I increased my use of Ho’oponopono and reconnected with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), and feel an important role in jump starting my search again was a result of regular Craniosacral Therapy. To top it off I was lucky to get the help of a coach who had achieved exactly with the mind the goal I was trying to develop: to see specific targets in the future.
Movies such as Inception began to take on a whole new meaning.
In January this year I began testing 20hour weeks of focus, these entailed 20hours of mental exercises over five days. I have completed three 20hour tests so far this year, the aim being to test different systems and keep track of the results. I had great results throughout all of this, all was and is beneficial and accumulative. I began to have different realisations of what Time actually is, and the possibility to jump timelines, creating our reality, I explored whether I was seeing a future possibility approaching, or if I was driving my life to that specific future. Movies such as Inception began to take on a whole new meaning. I began to explore the possibilities of multiple realities coexisting simultaneously. These weeks I experienced very fast growth, my mind was being exercised, flexed and new information was coming quick and fast. I put all my free time into this work.
But there were two problems, my ten year relationship with my partner came into question, as I was changing fast, I was seeing those around me differently too. I also made the definite decision to emigrate, right at a time when work and money dried up was causing stress, pressure, confusion when I wanted my mind focused solely on this work. The second problem though was more unexpected, as my abilities seemed to progress and become deeper and more profound, so too did a backlash, my addictive behaviour, coupled with bouts of heavier depression lasting longer. It seemed the higher I soared the harder I fell. I felt stuck, I had no desire to abandon this inner work which fascinated me, yet I was paying a price for my experiences. Eventually I just felt depressed, I felt aware the light was nearly out, and the ability to continue my focus dried up. I was approaching the end of the road. Whatever talent, abilities I had developed, whatever beautiful light I had, I was unable to convert that into living a fulfilling life.
Thus, after all this, I was ready, and so I began to prepare myself for what I went through drinking ayahuasca, The Vine Of Death. Part 3 covers this in detail.
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